How to Be Undefinable

"I'm realizing that strange with you, is my new normal "

- said my assistant, Celita.

I'm strange, erratic, "crazy", and often impetuous.

I do things differently.

I'm all over the place. And yet I have it altogether... except when I don't.

I'm sensitive.

I'm callous.

I give no f*cks and at the same time, I give alll the f*cks.

Doctors have tried to diagnose me with this disorder and that illness and this syndrome.

And while I may be allll those things...


At all!

Strange, crazy, disordered - it's ALL NORMAL.

And it means NOTHING.

If you want to be undefinable, stop letting other people tell you who you are and how you should be living your life.

Don’t you understand that all the things that people try to tell you are wrong with you are the exact tools, gifts and weapons God has equipped you with to fulfill your purpose?

Every time you let someone’s opinion become your business, you diminish your purpose and your power.

Repeat after me,

Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business.

Now, get back to the thing you’ve been called to do. And the next time someone tries to put you in a box and define you based on their perceptions of the world, SHUT. IT. DOWN.

Lean in even more to what you’re doing and keep pressing on.

You’ve got this girl!

You are undefinable.



Guess Who's Back

Whoa. It’s been almost 2 years since my last blog post…

Yikes. Let’s see how this goes.

So there I was this morning, in front of my laptop at 5am. I woke up at 4am READY. I mean ready to crush this day. On my agenda I had scheduled to send an email to my list, follow up with some potential sponsors for my upcoming event, Confidence Activated, and tie up some other loose ends before writing a few paragraphs in my (still not yet finished) book, Girl, Confident.

As I opened up my email service provider, I began to feel myself get nervous. I knew I’d have to write a subject line which has never been my strong suit. So I decided to try a little trick I read in a book. Basically, when you don’t know what to write, just write the first thing that comes to mind. Here’s how that went:


Or at least (for me) having to try to create compelling subject lines sucks.

I never feel like I'm getting it right.  

And what I discovered this morning at 5:06am (literally the time on the clock when I flipped open my laptop to write this email to you) is that because I never feel like I'm getting the subject lines right, it stops me from writing you emails.

REAL TALK: It used to me 4 HOURS to put together ONE email to send to you.

Four hours!

Nowadays it takes me about one hour, but the point is, it still takes me time and effort.  I'm still learning how to be the girl who cranks out inspiring emails (8 years of running an online business and this is still a skill that eludes me).

So...knowing that if the email subject line isn't "compelling" people won't open, I tend to shy away from investing the time to create the email at all.

Because about an hour after I send out that email, I get a report from Infusionsoft (my email provider. P.S. They suck. I recommend ConvertKit) telling me my open rates.

And those are usually lackluster…

And that my friend, is when I realized, I wasn’t writing an email, I was writing a blog! How did that happen? I hadn’t blogged in nearly two years!

So I copied the email, opened up my Squarespace (which is what I use for my website) and decided to dust off the old blog page and see where this takes us.

I make you ZERO promises. Maybe I’ll blog daily, maybe weekly, maybe monthly, or maybe this is just a one-time fluke and I’ll meet you back here in 2 years. Who knows?

I certainly don’t know and I’m ok with not knowing.

I’m ok with embracing uncertainty.

Among other things I choose not to care about knowing anymore are:

  • how well my subject lines are performing

  • email open rates

  • follower count

  • podcast download numbers

and anything else that makes me question whether or not my work is making an impact.

Look, it’s true: what you track and measure grows.

And yes, sponsors care about those numbers. But if trying paying attention to these numbers are crushing your creativity (like what was happening to me every time I tried to write an email), then STOP LOOKING.

Outsource that task to someone else on your team.

If you don’t have someone on your team, GET SOMEONE.

Level up.

Start before your ready (or before you can afford it).

My point in reviving my blog is to show you that you can choose whatever you want at any moment you choose. Today I chose to write a blog instead of agonizing over an email.

I’m still going to email my list and tell them about the blog.

I’m still going to go on Instagram and tell the people there about the email I sent that tells people about the blog I wrote.

I’m still going to show up in the way that feels most aligned in the moment because showing up at all counts for more than just thinking about showing up.

And speaking of showing up…

CA Speakers.jpg

If you haven’t gotten your ticket to Confidence Activated, my LIVE event happening in Atlanta, GA on June 1-2, 2019, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? BUY YOUR TICKET NOW.

VIP is already SOLD OUT.

Elite and General Admission tickets are selling out FAST.

Our room block at the hotel is 90% at capacity.

This is the #1 event for SMART Women (like yourself) who want to activate their confidence and elevate their business. And p.s. MEN are coming too. My husband will be in the room (and on stage with me to talk about how he went from being unsupportive about my business to my #1 cheerleader) as well as other husbands who are coming to support their women.

So grab a ticket for yourself, your best friend/partner/spouse/ whoever and GET IN THE ROOM.

Use the code: 25OFF for 25% off at checkout.

I’ll see you in Atlanta.


p.s. In case you’re wondering why I recommend ConvertKit over Infusionsoft even though I use infusionsoft, I’ll write a blog about that soon. But the short story is that Infusionsoft has massive deliverability issues, it’s overly complicated and is overpriced. I’ll tell you why I haven’t left in the blog. Stay tuned.

Girl Confident Bares it All

Girl Confident Bares it All

Let me address the nakedness in the room.  

I know there’s a woman reading this blog who’s thinking, “F*ck yes!”  Or like my bestie Andrea said when she saw the photo, “I’m OBSESSED. You look f*ucking hot!”

Meanwhile, there’s another woman who’s reading this, judging me, appalled that I would have the ovaries to share this photo and the gall to be “so unprofessional.”

How to Find Your Unique Voice When Creating Content

Have you ever created something and just had that feeling like, “Dang, this is REALLY good.”

You know, that feeling that you’ve poured your heart and soul into a project to such an extent that it gave you the chills up and down your spine?

You sit back and envision the thousands of people who will look at your creation and whose lives will be being changed for the better because of what you brought to life?

That’s how I feel right in this moment, and it’s a feeling I haven’t gotten to experience often.

You see, when I “officially started by business full-time” back in late 2011 I dreamt of being the kind of coach, leader and influencer who would create award-winning, life-transforming content for my clients, subscribers, and random bypassers who might stumble upon my blog (like yourself) or my (now retired) YouTube Channel.

But I kept failing.

Everything I created felt sub-par; never quite good enough.  My videos were poorly edited, mostly filmed around my military on-base house, with terrible lighting.

My blogs were inconsistent at best and usually just a slight modification of a topic I had read elsewhere (I’m not proud but I do admit, I made the same mistake a lot of make - I “heavily borrowed” ideas from others).

Nothing I created felt brilliant.

As with most things, the more you do, the better you become.  And so overtime, I was able to find my own unique voice by doing these three things... 



If you're finding that you're starting to sound like your mentors or you're getting tempted on the regular to read someone else's content and then "borrow the theme" and turn it into your own, UNSUBSCRIBE, UNFOLLOW, STOP WATCHING.

Even if some of these people are your close friends, if you're looking at their stuff obsessively and comparing yourself to others, there's NO WAY you'll be able to pull out your original tone.  Trust.


Credit where credit is due, I got this little tip from my dear friend, Cara Alwill Leyba, best-selling author of the book, Girl Code (p.s. not to brag, but I'm proud to be a feature interview in that book.  wink, wink).

Many years ago Cara told me, "I don't pay attention to any of the online marketers.  I don't even know who the people you talk about are.  I stick with things I love like fashion and music and draw my inspiration from there."


Spend time LIVING, trying new hobbies, crossing over into other industries and I promise you'll find tons of opportunities to discover your unique voice.


This is the single most important tip for finding your unique voice.  TAKE A POSITION.  Have an opinion.  Stand for something or fall for anything!

When you take a position, a side, a stance - whatever you want to call it - your true voice comes out because you're leading with your heart and values.  So give it a try.  Think of a topic and decide what you think about it; CHALLENGE the paradigm, go against the grain... 

Or, go with the paradigm and defend it.  Show us why it's the standard and why any of us rebels should conform.  The point is, use YOUR voice to take a position.

As I've made these 3 tips a part of my practice, my own original content got better.

My confidence began to rise as I became a better writer and coach.  

But, even after having several successful launches of my courses like, The Confident Entrepreneur Academy, Profit without Products, and The Consistency Incubator,

I still judged myself harshly.

“It needs to be better.”

“Your slides suck.”

“Those worksheets look ghetto.”

On and on, I refused to show myself any kind of grace and focus on the results my clients and students were getting.


Today I’m writing to you from my living room so freakin’ proud of something I’ve created that if it weren’t pouring outside, I would literally be running up and down the streets with a sign that said,


Seriously.  I am THAT proud.

It’s called the $100k in 10 Days Profit Plan Challenge.  I believe it is some of my best, most intentional work to date, and I want to give it to you for FREE.

$100k in 10 days profit plan challenge.png

In this FREE 10 Day Challenge not only am I going to show you how to create a $100k Revenue plan, but I’m also going to give you the mindset tools and strategy to implement and execute the plan.

We’ve had over 400 people in more than a dozen industries including therapists, coaches, healers, health and fitness professionals, teachers - we even have a few in the group who haven’t started their business yet but are taking the right steps and planning ahead of time - take this challenge.

There’s a space and a place for YOU inside this challenge group.

Details to join coming soon, but for now, JOIN MY PRIVATE FB GROUP to be the first to know…






P.S. This challenge is NOT email based, so if you’re thinking, I want to be in a challenge but my inbox is already filled to the max, then don’t worry.  The entire challenge is taking place in my private FB group with videos, easy-to-complete worksheets and a very engaged community.  See you there.

How to Make Your To Do List Profitable (FREE DOWNLOAD)

How to Make Your To Do List Profitable (FREE DOWNLOAD)

Are you grinding all day, trying to tackle your to-do list, only to discover that your income isn’t matching your efforts?

Have you gone “all in” on planners and scheduling systems but still can’t get a grip on what to do first and most importantly, what to do to drive sales and income in your business?

You’re not alone.  One of the biggest struggles I’ve heard from clients and readers is that they feel like they’re working hard all day long but not getting the leads, results or sales they want.